The Last Exorcism

The newspaper was full of praise for this film by no-name director Daniel Stamm, and actor-turned-producer Eli Roth ("Inglorious Basterds" & "Piranha"). As usual, the movie DID NOT live up to the hype. "The scariest movie of the summer" turned out to be the biggest let down of the summer. I should have realized that something was amiss when I read that the film was rated PG-13. Very few excellent horror films can achieve success without an R rating. But, being the sucker for suspense that I am, I handed over the cash, and sat down with popcorn in hand, pregnant sis by my side.
For the next 87 minutes I followed a documentary crew as they followed Reverend Cotton Marcus. (Patrick Fabian, you may remember him from the HBO series "Big Love" on which he played the role of Ted Price) The good reverend is burned out. Preaching has become a farce, a weekly theatre of "hallelujahs". At one point he makes a bet with the crew that his audience was so distracted that he could insert a recipe for banana bread and no one would notice. No one did. Though he has sworn off of exorcisms all together, he is determined to prove that they are all for show.
Packing up his van, he and the crew journey to the Sweetzer farm, wered he meets Nell, a 16 year old girl who's father is convinced she's possessed. Though the Reverend puts on a great show of it, all the smoke and sound effects can't put the girl at ease. Before you know it, it's obvious that the family's need is genuine. The film reminded me of a lower caliber "Emily Rose" meets "Blair Witch Project". There were one or two spots that will make any viewer jump, and the plot keeps you interested until the end. I was so disappointed. Yes, "The Last Exorcism" has a "That's it?!" ending. I freaking hate that. I paid $12.00 to see a movie that left me sitting for an extra few seconds my overpriced seat wondering what the f#*@ I paid for. If you really have a yearning to see this film, download it, watch it online or wait until it comes out for rental. Don't buy it, and for God's sake, don't pay $12.00 to see it.

Sequels : Best & Worst

99.90% of the time, sequels are a bad idea. Perhaps Hollyweird has officially run out of ideas. Either that or they are so out of touch with the average movie-goer that they haven't quite grasped what we like most: unique & different. So, as the summer of sequels slowly winds down, let's look back at some of the best and the baddest. Name your five favorite sequels, then name the five you wish had never had been made. Here are mine:

Best:
"Aliens" (Alien 2)
"Young Guns 2"
"Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers"
"Indiana Jones: The Last Crusade"
"Lethal Weapon 4"





Worst:
All "SAW"s after the 1st
"Star Wars" Episodes 1-3
All "Scary Movie"s (no, really, they all sucked as much, if not more than the first)
"The Mummy 3"
"The Godfather 3"

Inception

This is one of the brief and fleeting moments in which I can honestly say,.. yes, the movie lived up to the hype. Coming to us from Christopher Nolan, the man who not only gave us "The Dark Knight" and "Batman Begins", but who also brought us the wondrous mind melting film "Memento". So, naturally, I was intrigued. The film stars Leonardo DiCaprio ("Titanic" & "The Departed"), Joseph Gordon-Levitt ("10 Things I Hate About You" & "3rd Rock From the Sun"), Ellen Page ("Juno" & "X-Men: The Last Stand"), and Tom Hardy ("Black Hawk Down" & "Star Trek: Nemesis"), as a group of technologically advanced theives who specialize in dream espionage. When the ultimate heist is offered, Cobb (Leo) jumps at the oppurtunity, bringing in the best of the best to help him acheive his goal. The movie was filled with matrix-style special effects, and multiple layers of conscieousness. You may have to have at least 2 years of college classes under you're belt to be able to follow them all. An intriguing film, though long, it is unforgettable and unique. After the elongated creshendo ending that left you suspicious, I sat for a few minutes as the lights came up, turned to my friend and asked, "Are we in a dream right now?" Good flick. If you haven't seen it yet, shame on you. When it comes out on DVD, pick it up. Keeper.

The A - Team

Mr.T was originally asked to provide a cameo in this remake of the hit television show that aired from 1983-87. Unfortunately, he declined, stating that he would only be part of the film if he could portray his origianl character, Sgt. Bosco 'B.A.' Baracus. Nope, sorry Mr. T, stick to your 'World of Warcraft' commercials, because Quinton 'Rampage' Jackson did a much better job than you could've. The action scenes alone would have required the 57 year old to be continuously monitored by a physician. Even without the "Rocky III" star, the movie rocked. I was never a fan of the show, but I was somewhat familiar with the plot, but allow me to recap for ya. A ragtag squad of Army rangers brought together by fate, complete missions in their own brilliantly unorthadoxed way. But when a mission goes wrong and they are framed for it's failure, they stop at nothing to clear their names and finish the job.
The actors chosen for the foursome were a credit to their roles. Liam Neeson ("Taken" & "Batman Begins") plays Col. John Hannibal Smith, the man with the plan. Liam has always been a favorite of mine, a sediment recently renewed after his ass-kicking role of Brian Mills, and the brilliant actor portrayed the cigar-smoking leader with ease. Can't wait for the next one Liam.
Bradley Cooper ("Yes Man" & "The Hangover") is the handsome playboy Lt. Templeton "Face" Peck. The colorful and suave actor probaly didn't have to work that hard to get into character. He was sexy suave enough already.
Quinton 'Rampage' Jackson 'pitied the fool' way better than Mr. T did, and his balls were constantly being broken by Murdoch, actually Sharlto Copey
("District 9"), just as accurately as they were in the television series.
All in all, an awesome movie. Even if you never watched the series, or even if you were a fan, you'll enjoy this film. Well worth the admission, and the $19.99 when it comes out on DVD. Keeper!

Alice In Wonderland

Tim Burton has rarely left a good taste in my mouth. Though I must admit that there are fleeting moments of intrigue in his works, I still haven't forgiven him for mucking up the "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory" remake. That being said, I am grateful to Tim for the following : "Beetle Juice" (1988 - starring Michael Keaton & Geena Davis), the original "Batman" (1989 - starring Michael Keaton & Jack Nicholson), and "Sweeny Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street" - (2007 - starring Johnny Depp & Helena Bonham Carter). So, with his current obssessions (Johnny Depp & Helena Bonham Carter) on hand, he released "Alice in Wonderland" in March. It was his most successful film yet, pulling in over 1 billion worldwide, which also makes it, to date, the highest grossing film of 2010. Now, I must be honest here, I did not go and see this movie in the theatres. I had a feeling that it would be best to be patient, and what for the DVD release. It didn't take long. Four months later, it was on the shelves. After brief consideration, I tossed it into my cart. The film wasn't nearly as deplorable as the critics described. But then again, by now, I've learned that if the mainstream media hate a film, chances are I'm gonna like it. Visually, it was stunning. I understand why it was available in 3D. Though it has been a while since I've read the literary version by Lewis Carroll, I do recall tidbits, and the movie touched on all of them save the walrus and the oysters. Johnny Depp did well as the Hatter, though Alice was a little droll, no wait, on second thought, she was perfect. Helena Bonham Carter portrays the red queen wondrously. This film is entertaining, though I don't regret purchasing it, you might. I recommend that you rent or Netflix this film and then decide if you want to spend the cash. Oh, and I also recommend that you fast forward through the first half hour or so, and tune back in when she falls down the rabbit hole. You'll thank me.

The Losers

Who would have thought that from the director of "Stomp the Yard", and the writer of "Friday Night Lights" would come one of the best action movies of the year. Thank you Sylvain White and Peter Berg. "The Losers" is loosely based on a DC Vertigo comic book called "Ante Up", written by Andy Giggle and illustrated by artist Jock. So, naturally it's opening credits is an awesome compilation of the artwork. An elite CIA black ops team takes on a mission to laser a drug facility for destruction when everything goes wrong. Suddenly, the helicopter they were supposed to make their escape on is a flaming heap, and they learn that they have been betrayed. Now considered killed in action, the team bides their time in Burma, unable to return to the states. Suddenly, in walks Aisha, along with the opportunity for revenge. This film is full of stars at their best. The leader of the team is Clay, (Jeffrey Dean Morgan) who you may recall from his role as The Comedian in "Watchmen". A hard but honorable man, the team is his family, and he will do anything to protect them. Clay knows how to get the most out of his squad, and they know that he has a soft spot when it comes to dangerous women. So when he meets Aisha, (Zoe Saldana) who is also known as Neytiri on planet Pandora, he is more than eager to help her achieve her goal. Though the rest of the guys may be hesitant to trust her, Aisha becomes an invaluable and ultimately indispensable part of the mission. Adding his own boyish humor is Jensen, (Chris Evans) who played the human torch in fantastic four and will be seen soon as Captain America. Jensen adds the humor to otherwise serious situations. His quick witted dialogue is superb and brings numerous chuckles in it's wake. Taking up the bad guy role is Max, (Jason Patric) who I will always recall as Lorenzo 'Shakes' Carcaterra in "Sleepers" (see previous post on that exquisite film). Max is a truly evil nemesis in every sense of the word. He cares for nothing and no one, only his own fortune and ambition, and will destroy anyone that stands in his way. Unfortunately for him, this time it's a ragtag team that were supposed to be dead. A non-stop joyride filled with great special effects and snappy dialogue, "The Losers" is a great flick and a good time. Well worth the money.

Please, Mr. Tracy Morgan, stop.

I have nothing against you personally. I'm sure that you are a decent and good man. You had some funny moments on SNL, so I do believe you used to have at least some measure of talent. But I beg you, please stop making films. Never once in your career have you ever played any other role but the ridiculous and ignorant side kick. I honestly believe that when some films call for an african-american character, they choose you for two reasons: you are the cheapest, and you have no shame in accepting roles. I have recently viewed your last two films. "Death at a Funeral" and "Cop Out". They both sucked. Apparently combining Martin Lawrence, Danny Glover, and Chris Rock in an urban remake of a british comedy was a bad idea. You just made it even worse. Even when paired with Bruce Willis, I found you annoying at best. It should be obvious by now that none of the movies you have been in have made any profit. So either the movies are crap, or you are. In any case, you should call it quits. For all of us Tracy, Let it go.

Edge of Darkness

As per usual, the critics were mistaken. "Edge of Darkness" starring Mel Gibson, in his first leading role in eight years, was a good one. We finally have our Mel back. And personally, I missed him. If you are a fan, as I am, you will appreciate this movie. Now, I have to say it, everyone that I spoke to about this film expressed ill feelings for it. They claimed that "he couldn't pull off the accent", that he was "too old for the role". On the contrary, I felt that this role was the accumulation of all his best. From the man (Martin Campbell), who brought us “The mask of Zorro”, “Casino Royale” and soon to bring us “The Green Lantern” (starring Ryan Reynolds by the way), comes the gripping story of Thomas Craven, a Boston homicide detective who watched as his daughter was killed right beside him. Now, it’s time for vengeance, Gibson style. The harder he tries to find his daughter’s killer, the more secrets he reveals. Ending in a spectacular crescendo, this movie reminds you why Mel is one of our top actors. As I grip the dashboard of this wild ride, a few times digging my fingernails in, I am taken through all of the great characters that he has brought to life. The crazed Martin Riggs, the vengeful Porter, the passionate William Wallace, and the noble Lt. Colonel Hal Moore. These characters are only memorable because of Mel Gibson, and I thank him for every one of them, and for his return.

Name Your Top Five Favorite Sports Movies

Name your top five favorite sports movies...

Mine,

Remember The Titans
Rudy
Field of Dreams
Major League
The Blind Side

A Nightmare on Elm Street

Nothing says "Happy Mother's Day" like a good horror film. To celebrate our wondrous mother, my sisters and I took her to a movie, and being the cool mother she is, she let us choose. We selected the newest remake of the classic thriller, "A Nightmare on Elm Street". Director Samuel Bayer brings us a whole new Freddy Krueger, but a surprisingly familiar plot line. In between the numerous and excellent "jump" moments, (sudden mini-heart attacks which my little sis did not enjoy at all), I couldn't help but to notice the little bits of nostalgia. Certain scenes that were mirror images of the original. Allow me, for a moment, to show my age. Remember the original "Nightmare on Elm Street"? I'm sorry to say it kids, but it premiered in 1984. The current remake included numerous throwbacks to the classic; the lead character's name; the ceiling death scene (which should have been bloodier I think); the creepy little girls jumping rope and singing 'One, two, Freddy's coming for you...'; the 'I'm trying to run away but shit, the floor is now goo' scene; the razored hand coming out of the drain in the bathtub scene; the crappy young actors who dream they are in a boiler room and for some unknown reason walk on into the fire. Yea, it's all there. What isn't there, is the dark and clever dialogue that Freddy maintained with his victims, oh, and the fresh twist that Freddy is now not just a child killer, but a child molester. (Creepy) Sorry Jackie Earle Haley(Rorschach, "Watchmen") though I am a fan of your work, the writers (Wesley Strick & Eric Heisserer) didn't pull through for you. Final diagnosis, I enjoyed it, and I think anyone who can recall staying up late after seeing the original will too. Though you might find yourself longing to rent the Wes Craven version. Worth the money to see? Hell ya! Keeper? Na, but close.