DVD'S

Thursday, August 2, 2012

Ted

It's been so long since I laughed this hard at the theatre. Normally I have a tendency to shy away from Seth MacFarlane, he and I have had our differences. However, the commercials intrigued me so much that I had to give it a chance. I laughed so hard at times tears momentarily blurred my vision. By the way, just a public service announcement, this is NOT a movie to take your kids or any kids to see.

John Bennett (Mark Wahlberg) makes a Christmas wish that comes true, and now his stuffed bear Ted is alive. The miracle is shocking at first, (especially from his parents, whose reaction to a walking talking toy is hilarious). Ted and John grow up best friends, and after a brief career as a B list celebrity, Ted and his human settle down with John's girlfriend Lori (Mila Kunis). Working at a menial job, and spending most of his time getting wasted with his teddy bear doesn't sit well with Lori, and soon the pair has to face the reality of adulthood, with hilarious consequences.

Not only are there plenty of fart jokes and inappropriate behavior, but the unbelievably funny exchanges between the two main characters are excellent. They are still kids at heart, as can be seen by their obsession with the movie "Flash Gordon", and their numerous bong side bantering:

Ted: "Oh hey, listen, try this" (passes bong to John): "I told my weed guy to step it up and he gave me that."
John: "What is this?"
Ted: "It's called "Mind Rape", it's actually pretty mellow."
John: "It doesn't sound very mellow."
Ted: "Well he only had three other batches: "Gorilla Panic," "They're coming! They're coming!" and something called "This Is Permanent"... Go on, spark it up!"

Throw in Patrick Stewart as the narrator, and an awesome man vs. stuffed animal fight scene, and there you have it, one hell of a funny movie. Good times.

Thursday, July 19, 2012

Savages


Dear Mr. Oliver Stone... what happened to you? I hear your name and I remember the classics ; JFK, Platoon, Wall Street. But this? Really? This is a script you should have taken off your desk and inserted directly into the nearest trash receptacle.

Let's see, where to begin. Okay, two old high school buddies go into the weed business. One of them is an ex-SEAL named Chon (Taylor Kitsch - whom you may know from Friday Night Lights or John Carter or Battleship - things have been going real well for you lately), is the crazy PTSD suffering enforcer. The other is a botanist / hippie named Ben (Aaron Johnson - Albert Nobbs and Kick-Ass), he's the one who came up with the recipe for potent pot. A mexican cartel lead by Salma Hayek, is trying to cut into their business, trying to learn their secrets for a achieving a high THC percentage. They don't want to deal.

So naturally, the cartel is looking to persuade the two weed entrepreneurs to join their team, so they go after what is most precious to them. Oh, did I mention that this just happens to be a girl they are both sleeping with? (Take a while to digest that). Oh, and her name is Ophelia, called O for short. (Give you another minute). She's also played by Blake Lively, known for the T.V. show Gossip Girl , and she's not that hot. (Again, I'll wait).

Let's ignore the fact that there's no way these two characters would ever even talk to each other let alone stay lifelong friends & business partners, but the fact that they can both have sex with the same girl within minutes of each other and still be cordial is INSANE. (Not only insane but gross, I didn't see a single condom wrapper anywhere - yuck) At one point she narrates "I know what you're thinking, slut right?". Without even pausing I answered "Yep" aloud in the theatre, and received laughs from guys and girls alike, they were thinking it too I guess.

Benicio Del Toro is the enforcer for the cartel and an artist when it comes to persuasion - a.k.a. torture. John Travolta is a corrupt DEA agent who Chon & Ben bribe once a month to carry on with business. Benicio & John - are times really that tough? What are you guys doing here? The best scene in the movie features these two together, exchanging words in a delightfully sweet dance that, along with some satisfactory violence, almost saves the movie... almost.

Long movie short, they go after her and take on a mexican drug cartel, and somehow gain the upper hand by kidnapping Salma Hayek's daughter and swapping for O. And just when you think it's over, with all three of the characters in this deranged threesome lying dead in the desert, they pull a rewind. Oh, that's how it could've happened, but let's add another thirty fucking minutes to it and create and alternate ending shall we? I guess good and bad actors both jump at the chance to be in an Oliver Stone picture despite how crappy it might be. For shame.